Common

classical violin, not intellectual enough

motown, not enough rhythm
folk hippy, not earthy enough

rock hippy, not arrogant enough
funk, not enough groove

disco, not an ounce of coordination

country, can't drink enough

new wave, couldn't pull off the big hair

punk rock, not bitter enough

alternative, not unconventional enough

rockabilly, not cool enough

grunge, well ok maybe i was at times but not intentionally

blues, too depressing

jazz, not sophisticated enough

reggae, dreads don't match my shoes
hip hop, too awkward

rap, only when im outraged

sports, did I mention I am uncoordinated?

popularity, not snobby enough

tough, not intimidating enough

suzy homemaker, obviously not my calling

writing poetry, not enough passion

so I'm destined to be average

I suppose there are worse things

Drunken Limericks

Once upon a time, my sister and I met a bunch of our long time friends at happy hour. Everyone began telling dumb limericks and I couldn't think of one.. 

The party moved to my sisters house after I went home. Much later that night, after several more beers, my sister and our pal Dickie decided to write limericks for me so I could be cool like them. 

Best gift anyone has given me in a long time  ;))