Rare

Fireworks are grand but the sparks die away quickly,
Often hearts don't notice them at all.

A true love will defend your shortcomings,
Brag about your good qualities,
Bring out the best in you,
Do their best for you

A real love will trust you enough to argue with you,
Teach you, learn from you, preach to you, accept you,
Share their secrets and their impossible dreams with you

A loyal love will stand by you in perilous times,
Want to be with you, comfort you,
Even when you do wrong,
Even when you're tired, sick, old and ugly

It's a rare love that accomplishes all those things,
The love of my life did just that

* Last line updated 12/30/17

Death, Grief, Love, Friendship, Wine, Rock and Roll,Truth and Mozart

What happened last weekend.

coincidental magic

A group of guys in our happy hour crowd went golfing in the next county over, a pretty rural and often backwards area. Their ages range from mid-50's to 65. One of them left his hybrid car's headlights on all day and drained the battery. After drinking all day 5 or 6 of them were trying to figure out how to jump start it.. At least one still had beer in hand in the parking lot. Much to their surprise a state trooper pulled in and promptly helped them figure it out and sent them on their way.

About a week later, the guy who left his lights on stopped by the grocery store. On his way in he found a wallet, he picked it up turned it in and did his shopping. About an hour later he went downtown to meet some friends at a restaurant for drinks. He pulled into a crowded underground garage and as he was trying to park he passed a couple with their car hood up and they asked him if he could give them a jump start. The space in front of their car was the only empty space. He pulled in, confident he knew how to do this now..

As he was helping they explained they were having a weird day. "We are trying to go to the baseball game but after we had a couple of drinks I realized I lost my wallet, with the tickets in it, and now our battery is dead." They went on to say they called the grocery store where they lost the wallet and someone had turned it in.

The population of our town is about 300,000.

Coincidence or karma?

Unrequited

My love is in love with another,

He dedicates his life to being near her,

Her allure so powerful, 

She has him convinced he can't live without her,

She will never love him,

No pay, no play,

She will never comfort him when he is need

His every thought spent plotting to be with her,

Desperate to attain that rush he felt the first time they met

He is not alone,

She is worshiped by millions

He chooses her company above all others,

She is a manipulative bitch,

People everywhere anxiously ache for her with false hope,
When they find her they are never satisfied

He believes he needs her to survive,

When in truth she is only making him sicker,
Separating him from those who love him,

Including himself

If she has her way,
The lie will become a permanent truth in his head,
He will worship her until death do they part

Popular, immortal cocaine,
She will never notice he is gone. 

---2008

Not my bag

About a year ago a man who is a friend of my sister asked me if I am a "school teacher". He was drunk, had my hair in a bun, we laughed it off.

Fast forward to Fat Tuesday, two weeks ago, went to a thing at a bar with friends. Another man I had just been introduced to asked the same question. He wasn't drunk and I didn't even have a conversation with him first. I was dressed in jeans but had a short waist hounds tooth jacket so I thought maybe it was my outfit??

So yesterday I go to a party, jeans, t-shirt, hair in ponytail, person standing next to me for a couple of minutes, I hadn't even been introduced to asked me again... "are you a teacher?"

Called my sister earlier, I said, "I can't believe another guy asked me if I am a teacher yesterday" She replied "Karen, that was a woman"

I guess we both had misconceptions.

My G-G-Generation

My friends 30 year old son bought her a hand blown glass marijuana pipe for her birthday, he was high when he bought it, didn't notice one detail.

Mom: "wow, thanks son! at first I thought "what a cool red glass pipe" now I see it is a red glass replica of a penis and a pipe, ha look where you put your lips. Lets smoke a bowl"

Son took a closer look, his face turned as red as the pipe said "oh my god" and left the room.

Saint George Island

I've seen prettier views,

Swam in bluer water,
Sunk my toes in softer whiter sand,
Stayed in more glamorous rooms,

Basked in more glorious sunsets,

Eaten better food

Still there is no place I feel more at peace.

It's the precious memories there that I own, 

Time spent with the most important people in my life

Mom, Dad, siblings, in-laws, husband, daughter, friends

Every time I cross that bridge I feel the tension release,

My temporary escape from the monotony and pressure.

I can never live there though,

It would surely kill all that I love about it. 

In or Out

Nothing kills you or completes you as certainly as committing yourself wholeheartedly.

Bob, Jane and Cocaine

Cocaine is the drug I hate the most. Some people can do it occasionally and live a normal life, that’s the irony. Too many others fall head so over heels in love with the feeling they dedicate their lives to getting more. I've watched so many fall into that trap that it makes it easier to avoid.

I first tried it when I was around 16. Funny I don't really remember which the first time was. I know it was something I wanted to try for a couple of years. It was a status symbol in the 70's, classy, expensive. From what I hear, it's actually costs less now, weird.

My deep love affair with the drug started when my boyfriend’s brother in law started selling it. He was already good at selling weed, had made enough money to live pretty well for several years. My husband’s sister Jane married her high school sweetheart when she was 16 and he was 19. She was 24 when I met her. I was in high school; my husband (boyfriend at the time) was a ceramic tile setter.  At first, when he only sold weed, a bunch of us would go to their house on Friday nights, play board games, sit in their glassed in patio and smoke pot, listen to music and stare at their giant salt water aquarium.

After he started selling coke, we would blow through a quarter ounce in one sitting. They handed out quaaludes when we were ready to sleep and do it all again the next night. The vibe was different though. The doors were bolted shut at all times. Fewer people invited in, couldn't hear the music over everyone talking at once about nothing. We never went in the patio; we rarely left the living room.

As you probably suspect, that didn't last too long.  His supplier got busted, big bust, federal charges, was sentenced to 50 years in prison. Supplier’s wife, someone they had known since elementary school, was found dead in her swimming pool not long after he went away. They called it accidental death; we all believed someone killed her.

Bob and Jane's marriage fell apart in the aftermath.  Jane had never worked, didn't finish high school. She and my husband grew up in extreme poverty with a Dad who repeatedly abandoned them and their Mother until the kids told him to leave and never come back. All she wanted was to have someone she could take care who would keep her safe. She wanted be a homemaker, eventually have a family. Bob was a bright guy, an artist, good painter and an awesome guitar player, road a harley.  He had never had a job for very long either.  The divorce was ugly but eventually they both remarried and became civil to each other.

By the time it was over, everyone I knew was selling or buying cocaine. So many are dead now, many more dead inside. Jane quit everything overnight and never went back to it.   The quaaludes were the hardest to stop for her, withdrawals are never easy.  She found a job in a factory that made ceiling fans but not before going through a gut wrenching year of chaos and confusion.

It was wonderful to see her confidence grow. She became independent, self-sufficient and proud. It was inspiring. She eventually started a home day care, remarried. Can't swear it's all been happily ever after but it's probably closer to it than most people have.

Bob eventually settled down too. Last time I saw him he was married to a rich woman, driving a hummer...  Maybe it's my imagination or the memories I invoke but there never feels like there is much depth to his smile.

It took my husband and me several more years to completely stay off the train but seeing the consequences, we were convinced we were not cut out to be dealers. Lack of money definitely curbed our appetite...Despite many opportunities I haven't touched  the stuff in over 25 years.Whenever I'm tempted I go through the list of friends I've lost to that bitch.

My love affair with cocaine left me with a bitter taste and a heart broken many times over from watching so many people I love fall prey to her seduction. Some never escape her grasp.

Hero Worship

Some people never give up,
Keep their sense of humor,
Stay hopeful,
Show kindness all their lives,
These are my heroes.

Money, status, brains, looks, creativity, power, fashion, skill, political opinions, religious views, accomplishments....

None of that impresses me as much as a person who never loses their kind heart.